All the single ladies put your hands up…

Chris2_IGGuest post by Chris Goldswain

All the single ladies (put your hands up), haven’t you always wanted to know what’s going on in a man’s head? Or better yet, in that man’s head? You know who I’m talking about. That certain someone all your girlfriends already know about, the guy you linger around after church or subtly slip into place next to in the group photo. If you’ve been wondering how you can get him to like you, and I know you have, then today’s your lucky day, because I’d like to give you some pearls of wisdom from “the other team”.

The biggest tip I can share is this: BE SECURE. Be confident in who you are, and know your own worth. You’re a daughter of God, so don’t sell yourself short, and whatever you do, don’t throw yourself on him like some cheap suit from the 90’s.

The truth about good guys is, they like insecure girls about as much as they like visiting a nail salon. They run a mile from both. Now, guys who are dogs are a different story. That kind of guy loves insecure girls, because insecure girls put out. So he’s happy to exploit that insecurity to take as much as he wants from her before moving on to his next object of prey.

But a good guy, someone who’s actually interested in a meaningful relationship, he wants to engage with a confident, self-assured person who doesn’t need him to validate her existence. So if you want to win over a good guy, don’t behave like a doormat around him. If you’re having a disagreement, stick to your guns and risk his disapproval. At a party, talk to other people in the room. Show him that he doesn’t define you, but God does. A good guy won’t like it if you hang on his every word like a love-sick poodle. And you probably wouldn’t either if the shoe were on the other foot.

Chris1_IGThe second pearl of wisdom is, if a guy is saying one thing but doing another, listen to his words and not his actions. If you just had that chat where he told you he sees you as no more than a friend, but afterwards you start picking up “signals “ from him, the truth is he probably has no idea that he’s sending you any kind of signals at all. I know – men are from Mars, so things can get confusing. But in all likelihood he’s just trying to be friendly after having had a difficult conversation with you.

Now I know some guys take this too far and think that having the just-friends-chat means they can safely flirt with you afterwards without backing it up with any real intentions. Ladies, I’m working on those guys. But in the meantime, if he’s flirting with you and not saying anything, take your cue from his silence. In other words, watch his mouth, not his eyebrows.

So ladies, if you can get these two things right then he won’t define you and you won’t be over-analysing every word he says. Which means, your heart is going to be in a safe place. No paranoia, no jealousy, and ultimately, the freedom to be yourself. Now isn’t that what every girl wants? 

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24 thoughts on “All the single ladies put your hands up…

    • Imagine that indeed OM! Lol. Good to have you around again, thanks for sharing a laugh with ‘Pastor Chris’ and me his ‘Pastor’s wife’, glad you were open to a different kind of read! – Anita

  1. This is ace! I had a male ‘friend’ and we used to flirt like hell, er heck, sorry, but he never backed it up with anything unless he was having a bad day or come back from playing a gig. He was a musician but I guess that says it all ;0)

  2. I love this post. Last year I broke up with a man who had every intention of making me his shadow. I realize that although I was secure when I met him I walked on egg shells during most of the relationship not standing up to him. If a guy can’t handle a woman who is confident and self-assured what does that say about him?

  3. Brilliant Chris!! You have really honestly, humbly and lovingly communicated this which I so appreciate on behalf of the sisters. Deep down inside, we know this stuff. But its good to hear it from “the other team”.

  4. Pingback: All the single ladies put your hands up… | Brandi's Blog

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